


Mishaps & Mutiny

by thisisthemorning



Category: Bloodlust & Bonnets - Emily McGovern
Genre: F/F, References to Background Slytherin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisthemorning/pseuds/thisisthemorning
Summary: In which Lord Byron faces new adventures, Lucy <3 Sham, and Napoleon tries to take over the world.
Relationships: Miss Lucy/Sham
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Mishaps & Mutiny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oddegg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddegg/gifts).

"Lord B.’s establishment consists, besides servants, of ten horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, and a falcon; and all these, except the horses, walk about the house, which every now and then resounds with their unarbitrated quarrels, as if they were the masters of it… . [P.S.] I find that my enumeration of the animals in this Circean Palace was defective … . I have just met on the grand staircase five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian crane. I wonder who all these animals were before they were changed into these shapes." Shelley, Percy. _Letters: Shelley in Italy._

\----

Hello, dear reader. It is I, Lord Byron. You know, from books. You may recall my most recent work, in which I, accompanied only by my most faithful steed, Napoleon, saved the fair maiden, Miss Lucy, from a dreadful horde of bloodthirsty vampires. Of course, you will be wondering what happened next. After I bravely sacrificed my castle for the good of England, there was only one thing for it: a journey to Italy, to my little house in Ravenna. Fearing for their safety, Miss Lucy and her companion chose to accompany me, along with the mysterious Miss Virginia, while my noble psychic eagle, Napoleon, heeded my unspoken desire that he rendezvous with us on the continent. But first, we faced a long and hazardous journey, beset with all manner of dangers and adventures...

\----

_Napoleonic Log, Day 127_  
It is never wise to duel an eagle _psychique_, especially not when he used to rule all of France. Yet another victory to add to my name! And now that the vampires have been dealt with, it is time that I turn my attention to more important matters: my return to human form, after which I shall rule France once more. And after France, the world! Before the explosion of the castle, _ma chérie_ Lucy finally led me to the secret code hidden there, that will let me escape this curse _terrible_. The castle, it was the key all along. What 'ave I learned? That I must fly... to the future!

\----

<strike>Lucy <3 Sham</strike>

<strike></strike>

<strike></strike>

<strike>L+S</strike>

<strike>Mrs Lucy Sham</strike>

<strike>Shalucy Lusham</strike>

<strike>Dear Sham</strike>

Dear Diary,

<strike>I have found love at last!</strike> Oops, it's been a busy few days and I didn't have much time to write anything. In brief: killed the gentleman who kept insisting on those walks (sooo satisfying), he turned out to be a vampire, I nearly joined a vampire cult (for... reasons...) but then I met Lord Byron, his psychic eagle (handy!) and his talking castle (but then it got a little... blown up), nearly had my life force drained by a magic demon thing, took out some vampires, oh, and did I mention Sham? I met someone. Named Sham. So anyway, now Sham and I are going to Italy together, which totally means she likes me, right? I'm pretty sure anyone who's a vampire hunter-for-hire absolutely shows that they like someone by kissing them and then not talking to them for several hours while staring into the fog off the side of a boat. Right?  
  
_[unreadable squiggles]_  
  
So apparently we're lost. In fog. In the sea. Also Byron is lying on the deck groaning and Virginia WILL NOT STOP PACING. Also Sham still won't talk to me. Also, where's the psychic eagle when you need him? I hate boats. And adventures.  
  
Diary, everything is TERRIBLE.  
  
Lucy

\----

Reader, your brave protagonist has triumphed yet again! Dear Lucy and I barely escaped the dreadful call of the wind and waves with our lives, and alighted on Dutch soil, from whence we swiftly travelled by coach to France! I had hoped to find that my trusty steed, Napoleon, would be waiting for us there, but it is obvious that he knew I did not truly need his services, and so wisely chose to respond to my innermost desires. We partook of the finest of French delicacies at a rustic vineyard, and pleasantly whiled away the hours.

_Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter  
Sermons and soda water the day after_ (Byron, _Don Juan_)

Naturally, my muse has struck here, one can only assume as a result of my heroic striving to bring us this far. And would it have been so, that we had simply faced sermons and soda water today! Instead, I was once again required to protect Miss Lucy from that most terrifying of foes, a vampire! Indeed, a whole group of them invaded the vineyard and demanded our blood. Fortunately, we escaped, after I brought out my daggers. Now onwards, to Italy! 

P.S. Lucy made me add that she, Sham and Virginia also fought the vampires. I suppose they may have done a little fighting as well. But Virginia left with the vampires so I shan’t count her! 

\----

_Napoleonic Log, Day 135 (Napoleonic Reckoning)/Day 62501 (Chronological Reckoning)_  
I ‘ave arrived in Scotland and found the poet’s castle, although now it is filled with little children waving sticks. One of them thinks about murder _beaucoup_, and a very purple man looked at me and called me a “bibbling eagle”. Does he not know that I am the true ruler of _France_? Zees is a very strange place. In ze cellars, I found a _socièté_ of spirits. They made me join their _groupe de supporte_, and so I ‘ave learned that “self-actualisation is the key to achieving your goals”. I will return to my followers and share these intelligences! To Italy... and then to France! 

\----

<strike> Love Letter </strike>

<strike>Dear Lucy</strike>  
To Lucy,

<strike>Kissing you was like one thousand fireworks in my soul, and explosion of emotion</strike> I’m glad we met and fought vampires together <strike>as two soulmates, destined to meet, back to back in battle</strike> in Scotland and France. I look <strike>into your eyes and see endless possibilities</strike> forward to fighting more vampires with you <strike>by my side as my wife</strike> in future.

<strike>I am, with all my heart and soul,</strike> yours sincerely,  
  
Sham

\----

Dear Diary,

Been exploring Byron's house in Ravenna since we got here. It's actually gigantic! And a lot less draughty than the castle too. Anyway, this house is full of animals like Napoleon (although he isn’t back yet, so I suppose he must be doing something important somewhere), and they really seem to get me, y’know? I talked to the peacock for two hours and I really felt listened to. It’s so nice to have someone other than Byron to talk to about feelings! And I really needed to know what to do about the whole sitch with Sham... I mean, she was burning bits of paper. And muttering. And avoiding me. The peacock (I'm pretty sure he's called Sebastian. Or Benedict. Didn't quite catch it...) told me to have a chat with a guinea hen that apparently lives in the basement. Apparently she also has a fantastic recipe for _panettone_!

ANYway.... I’m pretty sure what Sebastian/Benedict really meant was that I should find some kind of present for Sham, so that she knows I like her and starts talking to me again. Not that she shouldn’t have space. Obviously. Space is important too. Of course. Hopefully Byron’s falcon can help me out with thinking of presents. Or maybe the dog? It’s so amazing to have all these psychic animals around!  
  
Lucy

\----

_Napoleonic Log, Day 147 (Napoleonic Reckoning)/Day 140 (Chronological Reckoning)_  
Returned to Ravenna. Ze forces gathered in ze villa awaited my call, so I told them of what I ‘ad learned: that _l’humanité_ and _la France_ await us, and that it is time to rise up and return to our human forms, through the magic shared with me by the peevish ghost! And so it was: I lead them in their self-actualisation, through the villa and out into the city, where we liberated a boat and set sail for our destiny! _Pour l'égalité! La fraternité! **La liberté!**_

\----

And so, dear Reader, with my house again in ruins, it appears I must away and seek new adventures. Lucy, as my dearest muse, will of course accompany me. Who knows where the road may take us? Napoleon, my noble companion, of course anticipated my desires and led the way with all my other animal friends. I rather wish he could have stopped them from destroying my house as they left, but perhaps that was truly my innermost wish, to leave behind the trappings of my old self and rediscover a new, a better Byron, somewhere far from here. Perhaps the isles of Greece! _Where burning Sappho loved and sung_!

Onward!

**Author's Note:**

> Oddegg, thank you for giving me the chance to write the further cracky adventures of Lucy and friends! I had a blast writing this.


End file.
